When You're Down

Whenever you're greatly frustrated and  pissed off and in doubt and worried to the nth power cause you're not sure if you can do it right and you have no one to turn to but yourself, be strong and say:

Worrying won't make you even better. It will make you bitter. So instead of pulling your hair until it gets so messy, try to fix it up and think logically to figure out what to do with the things that bother you. Be problem centered and not emotion centered. But just in case you almost lose you sanity, sit down and  relax. Cry if you want to. Shout if you can to release all those crazy emotions that burn inside you. Allow yourself to be sad and after you release all the pain start a brand new day with optimism,
 You can do it!

YOUNG, SIMPLE AND CAREFREE

One great thing about being plain and simple (shirts and jeans, no heavy make, hair not in place) is that you feel super young and free. No need to meet certain dress codes in office or work. It feels so comfortable. Isn't it great????

As a nurse at work, you do not have to be glamorous because nurses are really deemed to be simple, at least  maintain being neat and clean. Put on light make up and poise like a pro. Because it happened to me that my patient mistaken me as a student. I was about to start the procedure when the patient ask me "iha, ilang buwan ka nang nag o OJT dito?". Sabi ko naman "hindi po ako OJT, dito na po talaga ako nagtatrabaho. Parang ang sarap sabihin- yung totoo, yagit ba talaga ako o mukha lang talaga akong bata. yung totoo?. 

Sometimes, it feels great when you're mistaken as a student because you feel so young but not at work when you think your patient doesn't trust you that much.  Matalino naman ho ako, yung tipong ganun. haha.I'm not saying all students look messy it's just some are already unaware that they no longer look great in front of their patients because of  the toxic school requirements and demanding instructors. Ganun kasi ako dati. haha.

*credits to kuya refe for the pictures

A FRESHGRAD'S DILEMMA

Have you reached a point wherein you feel so lost?

We're already carrying our bags and about to go home when Doc. M noticed that his table is quite messy so he decided to rearrange his things and share mundane stories with us. Later the conversation went into something like " why do you seem so sad?" and then he shared his own story.

He told me "I know how you feel. You're a fresh graduate, you do not know what to do, you do not know what you want and you do not know where you're going. I was once like you. I was a fourth year medical technology student back then when I used to stay in a certain place in Davao and meditate. I told my self if I become a medtech I will examine specimens for the rest of my life. Is this what I really want? If I become a medtech I or medtech II it will just be the same. That's the time I decided to enroll in the college of medicine. I didn't took the board exam for medical technology because I used the money to enroll in the medschool. So if you want something, decide right away. Time passes by. But if you really want to stay here, be at your best because wherever you are you really have to strive and be at your best."

And from that day on, everyday of my life I keep on praying that God will guide me in every choice I make> Sometimes, I cry before I go to bed because I am not happy. This is the saddest stage in my life I guess. The stage when I feel lost. Sometimes, I say to my self lucky are those who know what they want and do what they want.

My colleague told me "pursue what you really dream of and not just do what other people are doing. Do not think that they're happy as med students so you also want to be like them. Do what you really want because if you're not happy with what you're doing at the end of the day you will never feel fulfilled worst you'll not become successful too"

As a fresh graduate, I consider my job now as  my first job experience. Unfortunately, despite the good people around me I do not feel fulfilled and self sufficient. I do not feel rewarded. When I go home, I feel so tired and when I wake up I do not want to get out of my bed. I just want to cuddle my pillow and think about so many things until my head gets so heavy. Gosh. I never expect this will happen to me. The feeling of being so lonesome. I don't think it's appropriate to share to the world how unhappy I am today but this blog has already been a part of me. This is where I find rescue whenever I am down.

Sometimes, I feel so exploited. Doing things I am not tasked to do. Having overtime without over time pay. Promised a big break but the break didn't come. Cleaning the area because no one's assigned to do so. I am also underpaid. Sometimes I'm losing my self respect. I studied for four long years plus strived hard for a license to do theses things. Isn't it so frustrating? Sometimes, I hate it when others are happy while I'm not. I feel that life is so unfair. Seems like, why is this happening to me? Am I so bad? I never expect I can be great all the way in this journey just because I did great in school. I just never thought I will feel so unwanted, uncherished and untreasured like this as an employee.

So much for all the drama. I guess I've already said so much. My world is falling apart. Yes it is! But I promise. I will  never give up. Sooner I know I will find my way out in this lonely state.

P.S. I'm considering being a law student for it doesn't require 15 years of study like medicine but I do not have money for law school yet. I'm hoping that when my brother gets a degree and find a gainful employment I can go somewhere else and find extra income to sustain my own education. I guess I'll just endure all these for now. At least I have a plan for my self. No love life yet. Time will come for it.

THE 100 TRUTHS ABOUT ME

*repost from FB

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, copy and paste this note, erase my answers and enter your own, tag people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.

 It's my first time to answer the questions below.. =D

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage = water

2. Last phone call = can't remember 

3. Last text message = Cyndi 

4. Last song you listened to = Breath

5. Last time you cried = last  sat night kay na disappoint ko sa man of steel

HAVE YOU EVER:

 6. Dated someone twice = not sure if date ba yon haha

 7. Been cheated on = no

 8. Kissed someone & regretted it = no

 9. Lost someone special = yes

 10. Been depressed = yes

 11. Been drunk and threw up = no

FIRST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:

12. green

13. pink

14.  white

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: 

15. Made a new friend = yes

16. Fallen out of love = no

17. Laughed until you cried = yes

18. Met someone who changed you = nope

19. Found out who your true friends were = yes

20. Found out someone was talking about you = I'm not sure and I don't care.

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list = yes. friendly kiss. no malice

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life? = 90% of them. i don't easily add people i don't know

 23. How many kids do you want to have =  four (boy and girl /fraternal twins)

 24. Do you have any pets = yes! (ipis. haha joke)

 25. Do you want to change your name? = NO! (gandang ganda sa pangalan? umaasa kasing mahanap si juan dela cruz)  

 26. What did you do for your last birthday =  we eat arroz caldo!lugaw ang handa :)lol

 27. What time did you wake up today = 8:00 am .laging tinatanghali ng gising

 28. What were you doing at midnight last night = texting

 29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = boyfriend? joke

 30. Last time you saw your Mother =  last sunday

 31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? = I wish I was courageous enough to commit. ouch

 32. What are you listening to right now = patient-secretary conversation 

 33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom = nope

 34. What's getting on your nerves right now = nothing

 35. Most visited webpage(S) = kryzuy.com, itscamilleco.com, youtube, fb

 37. Relationship Status =  Single

 39. Zodiac sign = Libra

 40. Do you have a crush on someone? = YES.

 41. Primary School = Quipolot Day Care Center

  42. Middle School = Quipolot Elementary School

 42. Highschool= Virginia F. Griño Memorial National High School 

 43. Colleges = Mindanao State University College of Health Sciences (hindi halatang laking public school)

 44. Hair color = black and white.. haha

 45. Long or short = long

 46. Height =  5'1" and 3/4. haha

 47. Found a new pet peeve? = Nope.

 48: What do you like about yourself? = I'm logical. char

 49. Piercings = ear piercing

 50. Tattoos = none. 

 51. Righty or lefty = righty

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery = none.

53. First piercing = ears

54. First best friend(s)= gem and joan

55. First sport you joined = Badminton

56. First vacation = 2-10-13,Lake Sebu

RIGHT NOW 

59. Eating = no

60. Drinking = no

61. I'm about to = do paperworks

62. Listening to = nothing

63. Waiting for = my prince! joke.

YOUR FUTURE :

 64. Want kids? more than one? = yes! yes! a boy and a girl  

 65. Get Married? = yes pero career first

 66. Career? = MBA, Lawyer

WHICH IS BETTER :

 67. Lips or eyes =  eyes

 68. Hugs or kisses = hugs

 69. Shorter or taller =  taller

 70. Older or Younger = older

 71. Romantic or spontaneous = romantic

 72. Nice stomach or nice arms = Stomach

 73. Sensitive or loud = loud parehas me. taz mag cge mi away. haha

 74. Hook-up or relationship = relationship

 75. Trouble maker or hesitant = hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger = NO

77. Drank hard liquor= ?

78. Lost glasses/contacts = no.

79. Sex on first date = NO!

 80. Broken someone's heart = I don't know. 

 81. Had your own heart broken = no

 82. Been arrested = no

 83. Turned someone down = yes

 84. Cried when someone died =  yes

 85. Fallen for a friend? =not sure

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself = yes. 

87. Miracles = yes. :) I do.

88. Love at first sight = yep!

89. Heaven =  absolutely yes

90. Santa Claus = I used to.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time = No

95. Did you sing today?= yes

96. Ever cheated on somebody? = no

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?  = 4th year college

99. Are you afraid of falling in love? = Yes (dati)

100. Posting this as 100 truths? = YES! absolutely. :)

INSPIRATION

No matter how miserable my life can be there's one thing I wouldn't forget... that I have the right to be happy. Happiness is a choice but lonesome moments are inevitable no matter how we choose to be happy.  So if I'm falling into pieces and I have no one to turn to I still believe I have my own arms to embrace and comfort myself.  Like you I also feel lonely but instead of spending the night and day on worthless things, I try to motivate myself. One way is to see the photos and read the quotes of my most admired celebrity- Audrey Hepburn
 <3

*i don't own the photos and the quotes in this post.

For me she's the most beautiful celebrity woman of all time. Truly beautiful inside and out. :)

*for more photos and quotes of Audrey Hepburn please click here

NEGA AT TIMES

I love writing because this is how I express myself and also my way of saving my sanity. In this one year postgraduate life with not so busy schedule compared when I was in school, most of the time I just sit and watch TV in the clinic. And when I'm off duty I sleep in my boring boarding house with no other means of entertainment but my low end mobile phone. Sometimes I wonder why God gave me this kind of life when I used be busy like hell in school especially in college. However, no matter how boring and unexciting my life could be I do not have a right to question God for He is God. Perhaps, you know what I mean.


I just want to be happy!!!!

BLOG TO EXPRESS


.i'll be home in an hour :) #duty's over