Paano Mo Malalaman na Nagmamahal Ka

Paano mo malalaman kung ikaw ay in love?

Para sa mga taong utak ang pinaiiral kaysa puso, mga sampung taon pa nila mapagtatanto na nagmamahal nga sila. Yung tipong medyo huli na ang lahat at maraming panahon na ang nasayang at lumipas saka sila magigising sa katotohanan.

Signs and Symptoms

1. Napapanaginipan mo Siya.

Sabi nila, kapag napapanaginipan mo ang isang tao, ang ibig sabihin nun ay iniisip ka niya. Maaaring isang araw, nagising ka nang napanaginipan mo siya, pagbukas mo ng messenger mo, nag message siya sa iyo at nagpadala ng litrato tungkol sa mga life struggles niya, kinaumagahan nakita mo sa timeline niya yung pictures na sinend niya sa iyo kasama yung pictures nila ng girlfriend niya; well, hindi ka naman na inform na may jowa pala siya at bakit pa siya nagkuwento ng mga paghihirap niya sa iyo eh may jowa pala siya, sa sobrang inis mo, sinabi mo sa sarili mo na hindi naman maganda yung jowa niya, maputi lang, pero affected ka at inunfriend mo siya; nagkahugot ka bigla sa lahat ng maputing hindi naman kagandahan kahit wala naman silang ginagawa sa iyo. :D

2. Naaalala Mo Siya sa mga Movies na Napapanood Mo.

Ang Kwento Nating Dalawa
I'm Drunk I Love You
Meet Me St. Gallen

Ilan lang ito sa mga pelikulang umantig sa iyong puso. (Wow. Lalim) Tinamaan ka sa mga hugot movies pero wala ka namang matinong love life. Lalo na iyong mga pelikulang mahal ng kaibigan mo yung taong mahal mo (karibal siya, bes), mahal mo siya at mahal ka niya pero friendzone kayo, mahal ka niya pero hindi ka niya kayang panindigan at ipaglaban, mahal ka niya pero hindi niya naman sinabi, feeling mo lang yun kasi yun ang pinaramdam niya sa iyo (paasa siya, ganun) pero ayaw mong mag assume kaya pinilit mong i deadma na lang (kaya minumulto ka ng damdamin mong pilit mong pinatay), mahal mo siya at mahal ka niya pero the universe did not conspire for the two of you kaya hindi naging kayo (sisihin ang universe)

The Gifted
--- ito yung movie na... (nakakahiya pero all out na 'to) akalain mo umiyak ka sa eroplano nung pinapanood mo 'to kasi sa isip mo kung sana magkakaanak kayo magiging gifted rin yong anak niyo kasi parehas kayong talented plus may mga intellectual conversations pa kayo na kayo lang ang magka wavelength

3. Kapag malungkot ka mahilig kang mag dwell sa mga Hugot Songs tulad ng

Sa Kanya by Sharon Cuneta
Hanggang Ngayon by Kyla
Steep by Laureen Christy
Out of Reach by Gabrielle (Pinaka feel mo)
Hanggang Kailan by Michael Pangilinan

dagdagan pa ng mga OST
Hanggang Dito na Lang by Jimmy Bondoc
Burnout by Sugarfree

Masyado kang overwhelmed sa mga kantang 'to, paulit ulit mong pinakikinggan sa YouTube kasi
gusto mong sinasaktan ang sarili mo.

Pagkatapos ng isang dekada, desidido ka na ng sabihin sa kanya na mahal mo siya kahit di ka sigurado kung saan hahantong iyon. Gusto mo lang palayain ang puso mo dahil baka lang naman that feeling was haunting you because his part in your life story deserved an end. Ahhh... ang sarap magmahal pero ang saket. Kung sana ang pag-ibig parang dugo na pwedi mong i extract at i transfuse sa iba para ibang tao na lang ang mahalin mo. May mga tao kasing alamat, parang ikaw, di marunong magmahal ng iba kahit pa yong ibang taong yon ay kaya kang mahalin ng higit pa sa deserved mo.

5. Malalaman mong mahal mo ang taong iyon kung siya lang ang laging laman ng puso't isip mo. Kung siya lage ang gusto mong pagkwentuhan ng mga masasaya at malulungkot na kabanata ng buhay mo, mga pangarap mo at great milestones mo kahit may jowa ka na o may jowa pa siya, siya pa rin. Siya lang. Kahit hindi ka pa sigurado sa future niyo kapag naging kayo, kahit mas malayo pa ang mararating mo ng wala siya, babalik ka pa rin para sa kanya. Para lang makita siya at msabing minahal mo siya.

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Recall, Day Off and Dealing with the New Staff

I got recalled, not only once but twice. The first was at 6pm when I am supposed to come at 3. When I arrived at the hospital, everything was full of peace and serenity. Then they asked me why I got recalled when there are so many staffs. I said, I don't know about them (the heads). The second, I was supposed to have day off cause I got recalled already, and then my matron came to my room and told me that I'm on duty.  Oh yeah, I can accept recalls but not on times when you least expect them, not in times when you already set your mind to sleep. I was so teary eyed going to the hospital wanted to drop all things I hold and shout to every person I meet because I'm so pissed off but I need to compose myself. Crossing my fingers #thistooshallpass. My male shift in charge thanked me for coming and letting them (the heads) cut my off.

I got my pending off and on the last night duty, one of the heads told me that I am off today cause I am supposed to have nine offs this month and yey I am so happy because no more night duty before my vacation.

These new staffs, yes, I've been there, in there place, adjusting, but in my time, I listened a lot. They are so hard headed I don't want to work with them. When you tell them what to do, they answer you back. The next time were on the same shift, I just want to tell them, no I don't want to work with you right now so just back off.

Why ask questions and ask for help when the answers you found and the help you get don't even register to your "learned corners". Every time, you will ask stupid questions? Young lady, you are amazing. You never learned.

New staffs, I hope your perfectly fine when I come back from vacation, so I could rely on you. Even if your going to leave soon, make sure your doing good in your job and don't put others in jeopardy. You know your seniors and responsible for you too so you better listen to them. We are not perfect, we made mistakes too, we don't want you to make mistakes that we did that is why we're teaching you, but if you do not want to learn, it's your call. It's just that, it's good to work with smart and hardworking people because you get to go home early and the days are just fine.

ISLA JARDIN 2017

Movie Review: Ang Kwento Nating Dalawa (The Story of Us That Never Was)

Guess what??? I've got some extra time so I was able to extract some energy to watch movies these past few days and Indie Films like rom com movies are really getting into my nerves.

Oo na, wala kasi akong ka skype, ka chat or whatever. Apart from my salary and my wee moments, only movies gives me the giddy feeling. And since, I have been through a lot in life (char) I just thought that maybe I should watch the real once, not the typical happy ending so predictable kind of film.

At heto na nga, nanood ako ng Ang Kwento Nating Dalawa (The Story of Us That Never Was)

Spoiler Alert!

It's a story of a cinematographer and a script writer and how there complicated, wrong relationship started and ended.

It was so raw but so real. I didn't grow up in Manila but when I was applying for work abroad, I always ride on trains for faster traspos. The artistic views  LRT were nostalgic it remind of my lost moments while processing my application. You know na, I've C minus in navigation.

Truth is I've got nothing much to say since I'm not really a movie critic. I just find it a vey nice mivie so I decided to post it here.  Luke was handsome and Kate was cute and though they are friends with the main characters they don't cross the lines and they just ramained,there--- listening and supporting their friends no matter what.

photo not mine

 This is  a good watch. That's it. #

Partings Never Easy

So this is my first entry for the year 2018 and the long hiatus is because I am a senior now even though I only worked for two years in this hospital.  My seniors resigned already and only few could become shift in charges and that is why I always work in yellow and red zones, I am becoming a shift in charge more that twice a month and also a narcotic in charge. Apart from that I also had an orientee and I am just so happy that she already finished her evaluation. God bless her and I hope she learned a lot from me.

Writing for me is liberating and it saves my sanity. I am in the verge  of darkness now not just because my menstruation is coming but because my friends are leaving and only the two of us will be left in ER. The new staffs have their own life that I think I can't be friends with them as much as I became a friend to fresh gurls.

So yeah, the other day they had farewell party and whe it was time for my friends to speak, I just cried. I was kind of ashamed that I was so emotional at that time but I just can't help it. I cannot imagine myself attending the meetings without someone who will remind me. I now have to check my own schedules and duty changes. I always look forward for the day that we'd work together so I have someone to walk to the hospital and go home with. You know they are you're friends so they will help you when your job is not yet finished, they will give you food if your hungry, and they will cheer you up when you're sad or lonely. They are the ones you could share your rants and raves with. They are annoyed sometimes but they will just listen to you because they love you. haha. Amazing that's just how love works.

Actually I don't want them to go because I still need someone to eat ice cream with, shop with and sing videoke with, vent my stress onto. I have learned a lot from BLS, ACLS and PALS training because of them. They are very hardworking as much as smart. Now that I need to renew my licenses I need to do it alone in a mature way. mature way? haha. Kakaiyak sobra. I will miss us but it's time to go.

All I can say is that, thank you for the memories, for the deepest friendships, for the kindest thoughts. You'll be forever in my heart, FRESH GURLS.

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The Flash

Working in ER is like working in the fast food chain. The doctor gives you orders and carry it out by preparing them and delivering them to the patients in  a flash. Just lie how are you gonna attend 7 patients at the same time? You gonna need more that 8 hands to do so, perhaps. Is there any place you can recommend to be trained as nurse hokage? Nevertheless, ER is still my favorite department.

Nagmahal Ka Kasi, Tanga!

Para sa lahat ng nagmahal at umasa. Nagpakatanga. Parang ako. Hayy naku. 

Salamat talaga sa movie na 'to. Marami akong na- realize. Nag mature na talaga ako. Yahooo. Nay, matured na ako. 

photo not mine

Masakit, ang saket saket, ang saket pala. Na- realize ko, hindi man kami naging ganun ka magbestfriend, hindi man kami naging ganun mag-inuman pero ako pa rin yung kinailangan niya para i reaffrirm yung mga decisions niya, taga enroll, tagasama sa check-up, taga kuha ng honorable dismissal pagkatapos niya akong iwanan sa university. Bakla, hindi niya talaga ako mahal. Bat ba ako umasa. Pero kahit wala na talaga, gusto ko pa rin siyang makita. Kahit huli na please, kahit isang yakap man lang. Kahit isang ngiti man lang. Kahit papano malaman niya na hinintay ko siya. Hindi ko talaga kayang maging kasing tapang ni Carson. Di ko naman na siguro kelangan magtapat. Obvious naman na kasi. Mabuti na ang din yung di niya malaman mula sa akin. Bakit kasi ganun, nung sabi niya na gutso niya ako, hindi pa ako handa. Ngayong handa na ako, may mahal na siyang iba. Am I not worth waiting for? Hindi nga talaga, kaya di narin ako maghihintay. Ang saket, Bes, yung hindi ka mahal ng taong mahal mo. Ang masaket pa di niya naman alam na mahal mo siya, at di rin niya alam na hinihintay mo siya. Wag na tayong umasa. Andami ng luha. Jusko Dai, bakit kasi may tao namang nagmamahal saken hindi ko naman siya mahal. Sana wag na akong maging mapuso sa susunod. Pwedi naman ng magboypren ng marami. Total matanda na ako. Sana wag akong tamarin sa kakahanap. Ayoko ko kayang tumandang mag-isa. Hindi ako dapat mabuhay ng miserable porket wala siya. 

O di ba, akala mo kung sino akong matalino at matapang pero sa pag-ibig wala naman. Eh, wala eh, tanga talaga. Masarap sana magmahal pero masaket. Minsan it's not worth the pain and the tears. Gusto ko ng magmahal ulet. Tataningan ko na ang matres ko kasi lage akong nasa CT scan at Xray. Sayang naman no, hindi man ako kagandahan, matalino naman ako. In my own right. Charot. Cge na pagbigyan. Sana may magmana ng character ko, I want to see my mini me, the boy me, the girl me. And I will tell her or him, make the best of what you have and never be afraid. Always pray. God is with you.

Photos not mine

 This movie really touched my soul. Ang saket pero truth slaps talaga. Hopeless romantic lang, pero salamat talaga sa movie na 'to. Sana marami pa nito. Yung totoo lang, para sa mga totoong tao. Yung hindi kailangang ipilit na masaya ang ending kasi may mga tao ring na hindi naniniwala sa fairytale, tulad ko.

Ikaw kamusta puso mo? Masaya na ba?

P.S. Ang gwapo mo, Paolo Avelino #