Randomly--- will update in time

it's been a long time since the last blog. i'm sorry for that.

anyways, it's been 10 months and i realised i've grown a lot. after all those learn-in-the-hardest-way eperinces, after all the cries and sleepless nights, all i want is to be at peace and happy. so here are my resolutions for 2017.

1.focus on the now. live at at the moment. you only live once

2.. i came here to learn. i'll just consider this as post graduate interneship. i'm gonna beat my own record, eat healthy, do exercise and keep in mind that i don't have to be always with somebody to reach my goal. after all, when i was in high school i was the only one working hard for all my dreams. future? leave it to God.

3. It's okay if the won't notice me. If the don't know me, the better. I will leave this pace without a trace.

4. Hopefully, I can pursue my post graduate degree next year and save a lot for the future... house and lot, farmland, moving to Germany, Japan or Australia

5. I want to be a better versio of myself, the more positive, if they got angry with me, if they scold me, if they shout at me, i should move n easily just like i don't care, they don't know me anyway, they dont know about my past, they dont deserve to know my story. everything I do, I do it for God.

6.Wishing for more hardworking me, more energetic me. I hope I'l be able to accept changes easily, work as a nurse by heart even it's no easy, I should acept the fact that I'm a NURSE

7. I didn't choose nursing, nursing chose me and I am trapped and just like my father said, since I am an honor student, I must be honorable. I should put heart in my labor and actions and I will never get tired.

8.. Won't aim for their compliments, I had it all in the past, it is time to pay it forward.

i write less when i'm happy. i'm too busy being happy that i don't have much time to document how happy i am. perhaps, i't's because i'm rarely happy? i mean, who could ever be happy in a workplace full of self made divas and old hags who think they are always right? they will criticize you to the point you wish you can disappear so fast just to get rid of their annoying voice. oh lupa, lamunin mo ako now na please

make-up should't be obvious- like how can it be possible???
laughing and smiling not allowed- ehhh? should i look upset or constipated all the time? my client                                                               would get sick even more
you should wait for them to finish their work before going home but if they finish first they will go home first cos they are SENIOR and ur a loser-KKKkkKKKKKkkkkKKK

i am not the only one feeling this but when talked with someone who worked before in the same department as i am, she compared her situation before to or situation now and she was saying that we just complains much when in fact in their time it was more difficult. i don't know if her oinion is valid since most of my senior are saying the opposite. that they happier before that now. that it was easier before than now. nevertheless, i still want to take her statement as an advice that i am looking more on the darker side than on the bright side. if i will see things in  different perspective, maybe i can see better. maybe, i can be more positive and happier.

there's this one person in Malaysia that i follow on Facebook and I am very grateful because in this place where it's difficult to find happiness, she's the one who inspires me to keep moving.

watch

 Xandria Ooi

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New Toy

Canon 700D

I bought a new camera as a gift to myself for my 25th birthday!!! Yey!! I feel so rewarded. Now, I am watching Youtube to know how to use it because actually I am such a horrible photographer.

When I was in high school I frequently attend workshops on journalism and it included photojournalism. At that time, my focus was on news writing, editorial writing and news writing. I didn't know that 4 years later, Instagram and blogging will be a breakthrough for the millenials. You can even earn money from it. At some point in my life, I also want to create a blog that would be viewed and appreciated by the many. I know that being a writer isn't a stable career so I didn't get a degree in communication.  Plus, I don't have a very good grammar. But since writing is very close to my heart,
I will never stop. Who knows, I have a future in this.

I just have a very limited opportunity to practice my photography skills since I am in a very strict country which does not allow documenting the dark side of the society.

Anyway, I am excited and I hope I can become a good photographer.

We also went to McDonalds today. It's my first time and I was so happy. It was like... uggghhh. F R E E D O M!!!!. It's a bit far from where we live and I like it since I have not been out and about for a long time.Before, I usually travel out of town even just once every three months and I miss the feeling of a long joyride, watching the view over the window. Even just riding the bus makes me sentimental and I got a chance to reminisce good things. Travelling makes me more positive.

Their McDonalds have cubicles with a very cute interior and when you go inside of it, you close the curtain after having your orders since females should be like "hidden". I appreciate it but I miss and like more the open, a bit noisy and coffee smelly branch in McDonalds, Koronadal.  It feels more homey and nice to see families eating, friends talking over coffee, students writing reports, office people making reports late at night... I miss Philippines so much...

 When I got home in our flat... I was like... it's so expensive to have "me"time. harhar. But it's freedom and happiness at stake so I'm willing to invest.*wink*

Hope you're having a wonderful day.

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growing up, i realized that it is easier to pass a written exam than finding one great love.

 if you're fortunate enough, you might have found him but you let him go coz you believe that it's not yet the time. that he's not your priority so you let him go and believe that if you're really meant to be, you'll end up together anyway. at the end, you realized that serendipity isn't always true to everyone. that it's not always about destiny. that if you decide to be with that one person, you must be willing to endure all the hurts and pains (so plural, huh!).

i've waited for so long. like it's been five years we've never seen each other. now, he's already happy with someone else. and i decided that i will not wait again for him. he might be the one who got away but it's okay. i'll get over anyway.

what's most important is, the bank texted me that my salary is in!!!!!

jowa problems

ito namang si first and one great love, umiiwas na nga e. bakit umi echos ka pa rin???? sinasaktan mo lang ako ng paulit-ulit. pag ako nagka jowa, who you ka talaga sa akin. pwedi rin, i tag kita sa lahat ng masasayang litrato namin. pwedi rin, landiin kita, hanggang sa umasa ka rin. paasahin din kaya kita para maramdaman mo rin yung nararamdaman ko. chaka ka talaga. nakakainis ka. one of these days, magkaka courage din ako na kalimutan ka. you will never hurt me again. ever.

5 Ways on How Graveyard Shift Can Drag You to Grave

1 you cannot eat three time a day because you have to sleep after duty so when your roommate comes after her early shift you're already awake. yes, because you have to adapt to her rules just like you are living in some other people's house

2. unhealthy food is there to keep you alive.thank you corned beef sauteed in onions.!

3. shopping time is at night when you are sleeping or on duty so you cannot buy food that would satisfy your taste and could make you happy. -depression

4. it's difficult to sleep in the morning when your body's time to repair is at night at around 10pm-3am when you're supposed to be asleep but your on duty and taking a bath getting ready, off for work

5. definitely this would be the one. when your charge nurse catches you not doing petty things because your priority is your patients and not those things. ugghhh.
 why you did not clean?
 why there's this delayed case?
why not attentive to every patient?
you're like a preschooler!
make explanation letter.
 what is this?

note: money is good but you should not let it swallow you up to the point that your losing yourself in the process...

sorry. it's just that stress is my third name.

Hugot Chronicles Vol 6

rave: 1. we went home early
rant: 1 . i made another explanation letter because i did not attend that patient in front of the door which is not an emergency case and not my patient for i am assigned in another area and i was just in that station because im entering my registration and why am i always reprimanded? yes', i am lost but i don't think i'm dumb. i did not notice that watcher seeking for help and i believe that i am truly a helpful person to those who are really in need. sucks. that situation sucks but anyway i made the letter. after all, i dream of becoming a writer so why not use my skills in those shameful ways. ughhhh.

 rave: i was able to admit my patient in the ward and the nurse accepted the case wholeheartedly
rant: i keep on rooming around the entire building looking for that doctor to stamp in that watcher form and request form and find other means to solve the problem. he came to the department very late that me seeing his face even he's good looking makes me feel sick. he was kind a lot of times but just now he's not really in the mood. maybe he did not sleep.

rave: at the end of the day, i am grateful that all my patients are safe and sound and i hope they get well the soonest. God bless all of them.
whatever they say, it won't define me. i am a happy person now and forever!

P.S. i'll be having graveyard shift for nine consecutive nights so stay updated for more hugots

Huogt Chronicles Vol 5

Rant

1. There's this issue that's already been resolved yet still making branches of different versions and I want to disregard it but it's putting my relationship with other people in jeopardy. What is this?

2. I am happy that other people comfort me but I'm already afraid that time will come that they will not care anymore. And some people are pretending that they care but in the end they will be the one to pull you down. Trust is very difficult to earn anymore.

Rave

1. Someone told me last night that you came for work, so love your workplace and do your job and don't listen to those hearsay. Thank God she listened to me before making conclusions, I know she's not perfect but I hope everyone is like her seeking for first hand information and not just depending on handed over information that are error prone.

2. I was able to sleep last night despite my worries because I prayed and a thought came in. Who are they to put me down? I graduated with Latin honor, I'm a college debater of the year and a scholar of a government bank. I have proven my self a lot of time in the past. I might be inexperience but I am smart enough to adapt. I don't know if blending in is appropriate but if that's what would make me survvie then bring it on. I will not quit,just like a kind ate once said, have faith, you'll get through this.

Prayer,

Almighty, please make things okay and make me happy. Keep my clients safe and me as well. Help me do my work right the first time all the time. Help them to understand me. Make things clear for the benefit of everybody. Give me courage to learn and be good in this profession you blessed me with. Take my stress away and make me emotionally, mentally and physically healthy. I am doing this for my family and for my professional growth. All these for Your greater glory. Amen.

Hugot Chronicles Vol. 4

Another learning in a hard way experience.

In the real life, some people will say, "I don't care about you as long as I am saved" but there are people who will also say, "what else lacking? I will help you, it's okay."

 Some people will drag you down and some people will pull you up. I'm just grateful that with all the ups and downs I'm experiencing in life, I am still surrounded by good people who will teach me how to hurdle the obstacles. I never thought life could be this hard but I will be strong. I know God is there to witness that my conscience is clear and  that what I only want is to give quality service.

Dear Lord, thank you for always guiding me. Please keep my clients free from harm and me also. Help me keep my presence of mind and confidence so that I can do my job smoothly. I know this journey is difficult but with your help, I know I can get through this. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

Hugot Chronicles: Vol. 3

Note:This is my own opinion and not every OFW feel the same way as I am.

Working overseas is very difficult or maybe I am just in a very difficult situation that I’m already very much afraid of being who I am. I never realize what my friend said to me in the first few weeks of my stay here in abroad until this time, that you will not be surprised of other peoples culture,you will be more surprised of the culture of the Filipinos when they are not in the Philippines.

 Truly, I couldn’t fathom why these things are happening. For me it’s just better to keep quit and make the best of what we have. Everything can be solved through dialogue not through banging against each other. I don’t know if this is really how we should survive but I know that this is wrong. Perhaps, I’d rather not be in power if power would only make me wrong anyway. I now appreciate what my parents are trying to impart to us regarding the simple life. But I don’t have regrets. If this is the best way for me to grow up then so be it. I am just deeply praying that  everything will be fine someday and everything will fall in place.

This profession may not be my childhood dream and this job may not be my dream job but because of this day, I was inspired to make a difference in my own little way. I want to radiate to them the love we should have for each other for at the end of the day we’re on the same team, that we don’t have to bully each other for we are not in the battlefield.

To the person who was hurt the most, I’m sorry. I know it wasn’t a mistake. And if ever it was a mistake, it was an honest mistake. Whatever it is, I still want to say sorry. That you were down today. That you became sad today. Our area, perhaps, is the most toxic. But you’re the one who remain calm and honest and loving as a mother. I may not be perfect but I promise to do my best to be the best. To be someone that you can be proud of. Because someday, if I’m already “good enough” in their eyes, I would proudly say that it was all because of you. Because of your motherly nature, that despite all the issues they throw at you,  you remain to be the good person like you’ve always been. Thank you.

Love lots,

Your staff J

convo with self Vol. 1

pang Precious Hearts Romances na mga linya

>Nag walking ka, kasi nga you want to know how terrific your own company can be pero bigla na lang siya lumabas ng dorm at nakita mo siya, OMG ang gwapo niya, ok na sana kaso lumingon siya at nakita ka rin niya. Gosh! Anyare at dito rin pala siya sa compound na to nakatira? Kaya lumakad ka na lang pabalik at ayaw mong makita ka niyang naglalakad mag-isa. Alam na. Crush mo siya! Pero hindi siya matalino... Pero crush mo pa rin siya... haha. yuck! crush mo yon? parang hindi man ýon marunong maligo tas pakape kape lang hindi naman masyadog magaling... Pero crush mo pa rin siya...haha kasi he's some kind of a basketball superstar sa tanggad and he looks so lean and masculine kahit di siya nag gy-gymn. Okay na. hayaan na kitang magka-crush sa kanya. pantasyahin mo ang perfect na siya. pero hindi kayo bagay, huhu. so sad. but make him an inspiration na maging magaling ka sa craft mo. don't talk so much. just surprise them wag kang toxic ha. feeling mo ngayon alam mo na yung crush ng friend mo kasi parehas kayo ng taste. edi wow!

Hugot Chronicles Vol. 2

If you're life as just work, work, work, work, work, work, eat and sleep and you don't have much opportunity for leisure and recreation, watching TV will remind you of how single you are.

I am a TV person. Actually I used to spend more time in TV than in social media, that's why, now that I'm alone in my room, these teleseryes are reminding me how miss having a boyfriend. (ahhhhh) So funny, I laugh at myself. Maybe, this is just brought by quarter life crisis or what. Sometimes, I catch myself looking for "prospects"but I just can't find them here.

I have a friend whose career is a  wedding photographer and I just love his photos so much that someday I want to be in one of those. There's also a store here that displays wedding gowns, and there's this one store also with very affordable wedding souvenirs.

Sometimes, I want to imagine myself planning for my wedding. I already have a friend who is a wedding photographer, who has a wedding car, who could advise me regarding the prices of the resorts, food and stuff. For sure he has a lot of things to say. I already have a peg gown, a peg make-up, shoes and I think I know already where to purchase those invitations and souvenirs. Maybe, one these days I will also write my vow. Chakss. What is this?

I am also planning to buy a house and lot.If I will have a child, at what school will I send him/her? I want my first child to be a boy but of course every child is a blessing.

I never wanted to marry than now. Maybe, I just felt so single here that no one bothers to video chat with me unlike my friends who are in a long distance relationship. Goodness, you know, sometimes, I am so positive that I will meet him somewhere, along the way. Maybe, we can be seatmate in the plane, or we will see each other in one of my great vacay. I'm just so excited to see him. I hope, whoever he is, he's also as giddy as I am for our grand meet up. Maybe, if I meet him, my life would have a clearer direction.

I miss being so kilig for real. Not just because I watch movies or series... hayyss, I know not everyone is lucky enough to find that one true love who will stick with them through thick and thin but I'm positive that in God's perfect time (and that would be next year. I claim it!), I will find him.

Hugot Chronicles Vol. 1

Maybe now, I'd be able to post more not because I'm less busy but because I really have just lots of things to say. I am a very outspoken person. I say what I want to say about myself, about my opinion, about my feelings even if others might say that I'm just so loud. I don't care what other people might say about me.I am not ashamed of the real me for I am just telling the truth and as far as I know, I don't speak just to drag people down. I speak for the common good.But now, I'm working overseas and they say, feelings should be just kept because you do not know other people might just use your words against you at the end of the day.

  Aside from telling to God, since God doesn't answer like humans do, I'd vent out my feelings here. At least here, no one in my workplace would comment against me. I am just doing this to express myself anyway because in real life it seems like I don't have the right to rant. So I'd just write them here in my web space, my haven.  For me, verbalizing feelings is still the best way of saving sanity. So don't be so hard on me.

I received my schedule for this month and I was so sad but I don't have the right to complain so I'd just pray. Haiissst. Life here is just so hard.

What I am Feeling Right Now

Posting another real time emotion. Today, I just feel like posting this because at this moment this is the most healing way of venting out how I really feel.

I am taking another leap of faith. It's never easy because I am doing it myself, with the guide of the Almighty of course. I know I'm capable of doing it, based on what I've already done. But now is different because I left something behind that is never easy to be taken for granted, my job. I have committed honest mistakes and shortcomings to my boss, to my workmates, to my job but I believe that I'm heading to the right path. I'm confident that eventually, everything will fall in place, and eventually, they will understand me and the decisions I make. I never stop praying. Praying for positive results. Praying for guidance. Praying for understanding. May God bless me all the way. Just like how He blesses me everyday of my life.

Photo Source

May you also find peace deep inside you and feel that you are doing just the right thing. Follow your heart and challenge yourself to be somebody. That somebody for others. #