The Flash

Working in ER is like working in the fast food chain. The doctor gives you orders and carry it out by preparing them and delivering them to the patients in  a flash. Just lie how are you gonna attend 7 patients at the same time? You gonna need more that 8 hands to do so, perhaps. Is there any place you can recommend to be trained as nurse hokage? Nevertheless, ER is still my favorite department.

Nagmahal Ka Kasi, Tanga!

Para sa lahat ng nagmahal at umasa. Nagpakatanga. Parang ako. Hayy naku. 

Salamat talaga sa movie na 'to. Marami akong na- realize. Nag mature na talaga ako. Yahooo. Nay, matured na ako. 

photo not mine

Masakit, ang saket saket, ang saket pala. Na- realize ko, hindi man kami naging ganun ka magbestfriend, hindi man kami naging ganun mag-inuman pero ako pa rin yung kinailangan niya para i reaffrirm yung mga decisions niya, taga enroll, tagasama sa check-up, taga kuha ng honorable dismissal pagkatapos niya akong iwanan sa university. Bakla, hindi niya talaga ako mahal. Bat ba ako umasa. Pero kahit wala na talaga, gusto ko pa rin siyang makita. Kahit huli na please, kahit isang yakap man lang. Kahit isang ngiti man lang. Kahit papano malaman niya na hinintay ko siya. Hindi ko talaga kayang maging kasing tapang ni Carson. Di ko naman na siguro kelangan magtapat. Obvious naman na kasi. Mabuti na ang din yung di niya malaman mula sa akin. Bakit kasi ganun, nung sabi niya na gutso niya ako, hindi pa ako handa. Ngayong handa na ako, may mahal na siyang iba. Am I not worth waiting for? Hindi nga talaga, kaya di narin ako maghihintay. Ang saket, Bes, yung hindi ka mahal ng taong mahal mo. Ang masaket pa di niya naman alam na mahal mo siya, at di rin niya alam na hinihintay mo siya. Wag na tayong umasa. Andami ng luha. Jusko Dai, bakit kasi may tao namang nagmamahal saken hindi ko naman siya mahal. Sana wag na akong maging mapuso sa susunod. Pwedi naman ng magboypren ng marami. Total matanda na ako. Sana wag akong tamarin sa kakahanap. Ayoko ko kayang tumandang mag-isa. Hindi ako dapat mabuhay ng miserable porket wala siya. 

O di ba, akala mo kung sino akong matalino at matapang pero sa pag-ibig wala naman. Eh, wala eh, tanga talaga. Masarap sana magmahal pero masaket. Minsan it's not worth the pain and the tears. Gusto ko ng magmahal ulet. Tataningan ko na ang matres ko kasi lage akong nasa CT scan at Xray. Sayang naman no, hindi man ako kagandahan, matalino naman ako. In my own right. Charot. Cge na pagbigyan. Sana may magmana ng character ko, I want to see my mini me, the boy me, the girl me. And I will tell her or him, make the best of what you have and never be afraid. Always pray. God is with you.

Photos not mine

 This movie really touched my soul. Ang saket pero truth slaps talaga. Hopeless romantic lang, pero salamat talaga sa movie na 'to. Sana marami pa nito. Yung totoo lang, para sa mga totoong tao. Yung hindi kailangang ipilit na masaya ang ending kasi may mga tao ring na hindi naniniwala sa fairytale, tulad ko.

Ikaw kamusta puso mo? Masaya na ba?

P.S. Ang gwapo mo, Paolo Avelino #

Tired

3/12/17
Pagod na ako, gutom, gusto ko lang matulog. Hindi ko alam pero my brain doesn't work anymre, perhaps, this is the price I shoud pay for trying to push myself to the limits in order to reach my goal. Please God, help me find the right way. Amen

Second Nanay Duties

Nanay duties= Charge Nurse Duties

I can survive my nanay duties as long as he is there, my ultimate vitamin see. 

 I was standing at the nurse's station doing some paper works and he was in the male resuscitation room asking me something. I didn't understand what he was saying 'coz I didn't give him my full attention. He walked down near and looked at me straight into my eyes, for a moment I was stunned. He asked me where I admitted the patient. Then I answered him that I admitted the patient in the obesity unit. He was a bit disappointed (I know coz Obesity Unit is very far). I told in there's no more bed in the surgical wards and the supervisor doesn't want to admit the patient in S2. He got what I mean and then he left.

It was the first time I looked straight into his eyes that long. Usually we talk to each other without even looking at each other coz we're busy doing each others' task. I don't know if it's about the culture or I just got used to it. For it is only to him where I got some feeling of crush.

He returned to ER to fill uo some forms. I was in the desktop registering some patient's. He was standing in front of me in the station he seemed so relaxed asking Dr. Jabi how he was doing, they were having some fun talking at each other. I was busy doing something (coz I'm Nanay) so I left them. My peripheral vision works whenever he is around even if I am busy, you know. So when I left the place, I saw him looking at me leaving. Sometimes, I also want to convince myself that yes, he wants to look at me, too. But sometimes, I wake up to the reality that, how can he like somebody with swollen eyes.

It's up for him to presume what I feel for him, but at least he will not know from my own words that I like him much. By that, I can look at him secretly and enjoy my fantasy. He's GGSS, gwapong gwapos sa sarili kahit walang ligo. Sabi pa nila, yung mabahong residente. Yayks, kakahiya naman crush ko pa naman yun. Siguro yun lang yun kaya tinitingnan niya rin ako minsan. Assuming naman ako di na ak masanay eh malandi nman talaga yan sila sa mga staff

I hope in my next  nanay duties he will still be there. Kahit hindi niya alam ang pangalan ko okay lang. Makita ko lang siya solved na araw ko. #

Hello, February!

It's 8th of February and tomorrow I'm off duty so I have time to write and express my thoughts. In a few more days, Valentine's Day will come and it's my 25th year of celebrating it without a Valentino. Harhar. Is it an issue? Actually it's not, but for me who's in a marrying age, its a reminder that I should make my love life a priority, after all I can earn money later in my life but marriage is a different story.

I am just praying that,  someday, I will find the man who will make me happy. Actually, I have a very deep (deep???) crush on someone right now. He really makes me feel so giddy. Ouch.. Here I am again, I get demoralized. Just typing this words already makes me smile. Aww... I'm head over heels in crush with him. So here's our story... my story I mean...

I had a bad impression when I first saw him, he was so sarcastic and I felt that he's insulting me. I was new back then, maybe, I said something stupid but I was really hurt that time. He was still assigned in our department and everyday I got chance to see him and talk to him but since I was newbie and I don't know how to speak their language I was always at the corner feeling lost and stupid just like the way I always am when I am still adjusting to a new environment.

Months later, I've noticed that though he looks so strong and brave on the outside, he's really kind and calm on the inside and for me it's like, "wow" he's so cool. I assisted him in one of his procedures and I'm sorry but I really don't find him smart. Aww as if I really know things but I found him really wrong at that moment and okay move on. Then a day came when most of the cases was for him to handle, some staffs were busy and for the entire shift were like partners in all of his procedure and I was so stupid I almost splashed the povidone iodine in his face but he didn't get mad at  me. I was just---oh-em-g--- I'm sorry I really don't know how to do this please wait and bear with me and he was also patiently waiting for me to prepare things for him.

I was in an outgoing shift that time and there was still one patient, since he's in 24 hours duty he was still the one who handle the case, I want to endorse it because I want to finish my notes already but my workmates were busy chit chatting that time and he asked me if am I going home but still interested to the case. I want to tell him that I am more interested to the one who's doing the case but I didn't. He swept me off my feet that time that I kept on dreaming about him...

Gosh.., this seems to be a flashback of my high school experience. I am a diligent student but my high school crush was a not so smart guy in section F who's a chain smoker. That guy knew later in life that I had a crush on him so he's making pa cute to me but I didn't want to get associated with him so I kept my distance. Maybe, if he became my boyfriend my life has changed. Up until now he's friends are telling what's happening to him but I'm no longer interested. Anyways, going back to my new crush...

After so many days that for me are already a thousand years, I saw him this morning. OMG!!!!aw... just a glimpse of him already made my day. He's effect on me is more that a high dose of caffeine, goodness!

In my dreams (i made a story) that we became husband and wife (see how crazy i am?) but the struggle is where we settled later in life for he's not of the same country as me, he had different faith, he's culture is different. Our children were as smart as me (itaas ko na sariling kong bangko bleh) but were as good looking as him but since he's culture is different, our children must abide to his "social rules" but when it comes to school I'll be the one to decide. It was a bitter sweet story but it was nice. Actually I can make a book of it but no need, chakks, maybe I'm in love already.  I don't know where this feeling will bring me. What I know is that I'm happy so just let me be- happy.

Even if he doesn't notice me, it's okay; I will be more glad looking at his face carelessly while he's doing a procedure. And yes, he's a doctor, a surgeon, a tall and white man who's not too smart but so kind. I'm sorry for telling he's not so smart but he just didn't reach my expectation of a doctor 'coz in our country doctors are great even if they are just residents. All I just to say to him is that "hope you stay the same, Loves". #

P.S.
Here's a pic of a fan girl who's head over heels in crush with someone. CT Sherryl