Year 2020: Year of Closure and New Beginnings

Yup. I decided to resign. I felt that, I will only be 28 once and at this age, I should have found my lifetime partner already. Getting pregnant should take highest priority as the uterus ages too. I never want to sound desperate but I think so far, this is the most courageous decision I ever made. It took me four years to let go of the place that haunt me and mold me. I feel that I'm a precious gem now. I know what I deserve,and  I don't have to beg it. If they will value me, then I move out. I am faithful. I know that God will lead me to the better place and to the better man. #keepraying

Just like money, I also budget my time. When I'm done with something I move on. Only emotions stick around. Parang amoy ng kusina, it gets into your skin. So my new year resolution is to have closure and new beginnings. Excited to find my one great love, I always imagine myself seeing a hot guy inside the plane or at the airport. But strangers aren't really attractive for me. I don't want to talk to random people also even if they are the ones starting the conversation. I guess, it's true, that love, the more you chase it the more it will elude you.

For the two most significant guy in my life, I hope I can talk to them but if not then I move on. I'm down to my last year of being a hopeless romantic. I messaged my one great love today asking how is he going to spend his Christmas and he said he has duty and he'll be just in the hospital in La Union. Then I also sent a message to my ex boyfriend but he did not respond yet. He's not into social media so I doubt if he will reply soon. If he's going to seenzone me, then I know the answer. This is my resolve, no matter how painful it is, I will no longer look back. My life is not going that way.

Yes, it is sad that the person you used to have late night talks with will now just reply to you with a thumbs up but time will come that you'll also get used to it. Time will also come that another person will also spend late hours with you because he is truly, madly, deeply in love with you and he will never let you go. He will come. Just pray.

Mother is right, when friends grow up, they drift apart and it's okay. Ang importante buhi.

Lastly, may your heart have enough rest, so when the right man comes, you have strong heart to fight.

You exam is set to sail baby. Mag-aral ka at mag-asawa na. 'Yong pwedi mong isama ha. Labyu self.

Have a marvelous New Year 2020

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My IELTS Journey

I have been really wanting to post this to document my fun filled IELTS journey because you know, I am not that proficient in English. I just love to speak and write what's inside my mind and I don't want to take serious accounts into grammar and punctuation. I believe that as long as the two individuals understand each other, that's communication and grammar is an irrelevant information. Unfortunately it is a different thing in the medical field. We have to save lives and wrong words might lead to wrong delivery of care. Hence, the IELTS test.

I never wanted to go to the UK because I felt that it is too cold there and too 'royal' that I would not enjoy the life there because I am just an ordinary girl. So now, I'm considering coming to the US which I am very much happy about because they require a low band score for their VISA screen which is something I believed I can achieve.


For people like me who are hesitant to take the leap of faith, I know why you don't want to take the test.
a. You are not confident.
b. You think that you're English is awkward, people laugh at you when you speak.
c. It's too expensive for you to fail, you need more time to prepare.

There are reasons why we are hesitant to take the test and I have the same reasons too. Probably, these are the things that you have to consider.

1. Where do you want to go and what is your target band score?
2. If you want to be a niner then you should know yourself and your own capacity to reach your target score. I am at the point in my life where I no longer aim for recognition. I had a lot of that when I was young and I feel that I don't need much of that anymore. Working while studying is difficult but I only have small amount of time to destress and spend time with my family, would I trade that to study in order to get a 9. No... If the company requires 7 then be it. Aim for seven and add some extra effort if you wish but don't sacrifice your time for band 9 and end up frustrated in the end.

When I got my scores, one of my friends seem not too convinced that she said IELTS lowered their standard. Paraphrasing what she said, to me it means that I didn't deserve to have those scores. She's so studios and I am not but it doesn't mean that I will flank. She doesn't know, I have aced a lot of exams in the past without preparing the way  I should. I owe all my success to the holy spirit. Sinasapian ako pag may exam at competition kaya gumagaling ako. It's a matter of faith and praying hard. And of course, I owe my success to my experiences as a student writer and college debater of the year. Sometimes, experiences are the best teachers. Kung iasa ko lang sa pag-aaral ko ng weekend hindi ako papasa sa tamad ko ba namang to. It pays to be hardworking pala habang bata ka pa. Kita mo yung speed ko sa pag-iisip ng concept sa pagsusulat at skill ko sa pagsasalita ay dala ko pa rin hanggang ngayon. Hindi ko lang maipagmayabang 'cos there are people here na mas mayabang pa kesa sa akin at ayaw nila malampasan. Stay grounded lang tayo guys, kung minamaliit man tayo, well success is the sweetest revenge.  In the end, we should choose what suits for us and works for us. Hayaan mo sila kung proud sila na nagka 8 sila total magkaiba naman and efforts natin. I'm grateful that I passed and I hope you too will pass. If you want to have some tips of how to pass the test I'll put the link here. I will make an entry for that.

After (2019) and College Love

Movie Poster

Here's my take on the 2019 movie,  After.

Well, this movie reminded me of my good old university days. I want to go back to college and fall in love again. For real.

I was in deep connection with a certain guy before, we were so close that I treated him as my best friend, someone that I can share my dreams onto. We realize that we have feelings for each other but then I was afraid that I might lose focus on my studies and end up pregnant because we're leaving under the same roof. I rejected the idea of being in a relationship with him which he also respected. I maintain my distance but still treated him as good friend. There were times that I feel I am hurting him because I ignore him in public and until now I feel guilty about it.

Fast forward to today, all my self-control paid off because I graduated with latin honor in college which he, my good friend considered to be something to be really proud of. He congratulated me and when he said it, I felt he was really happy and proud of me. Other than that, I also champed the intercollegiate parliamentary debate championship in my senior year which hailed me as one of the college debaters of the year.

We still get in touch from time to time with my good friend, pass the board exam individually, I mean we did not take the boards together because he transferred into another school and I finish college first but though he finished late he also passed the first time he took it 'cos he's just as smart like me you know. *wink

Time passed by and we opened to each other our dream of going to med school together but eventually I worked abroad and he proceeded to med school. He tried to convince but I decided not to come back because I don't want to drag my family into the financial crisis that I have to go to once I enter med school. So, after all the relationship that he had into and failed, I guess now, he finally found the one that he even implicitly told me once to get a boyfriend who could listen to my sentiments. We don't get in touch that much anymore.

He is also convinced that I am going to move into another country and live a good life there which he does not prefer for he believes that in the end OFWs will still come back home. If there are lessons that I learned from my past experiences that I recalled after watching the movie, it would be:

1. Being single gives you a lot of perks. It makes you free from complications and as we all know relationships are as stable as yo-yo so we shouldn't expect a lot when we're in it.I have achieved a lot of things when he wasn't with me. I owe it to the fact that I don't have to check if he agrees with my decision. But humans as we are we also need someone to talk and lean onto apart from our parents. Especially when we are in the university and away from our family and that's where intimacy comes in. Complications are fun too.

2. I didn't get into a relationship because I was afraid that if it will not work, I am going to lose my best friend and I never want that to happen. Time passed by and I lost him still. If I only knew that I am going to lose him anyway, I wish I have tried.

3. You are only young ones and it matters to feel in love when you are young 'cos you might never feel the same love again in your future years. Adults have more complicated lives and have more things to compromise.

4. If there's one thing that I regret, it is that I let my emotion overpower my intelligence. If I was only one pound stronger and wiser at that time , I could have taken my emotions to my own advantage. Whether the relationship will work or not I should have just prepare myself and grab the chance to be happy.

Tessa was so brave, she never let her broken heart break her and her studies. She was willing to take risks and brave enough and admit and say sorry for her mistakes.


I wish my friend will be able to read this, that I am sorry if I hurt him in anyway. I was very young at that time and pretty bad at handling my emotions. I want to blame him a bit too because honestly, I feel that he's not worthy to take risks for since he sweems to be unsure of his feelings. He doesn't  have balls. Awww, just defending myself there. But yeah, until now, I still miss him. I am going to miss him forever and I already accepted that fact. That I'm gonna miss him and nothing more.

I hope someday, I will find the one who is worth missing. I still pray for that day so I can come out from this horrible feeling of missing someone who's no longer into you. OUch. That would be all about the drama. Until here and please read my next blog. I hope to share to you stories of my SG adventure.

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Listen to Your Heart

Don't Listen to People who Ridicule A Choice You Make. 

Today, one of my supervisors told that I am good since I am only pushing an ultrasound machine. Upon going, another supervisor told me and my colleagues in the echo lab who are also nurses that our choice to transfer to another department from nursing is a lazy thing, we are registered nurses and so we should practice what we took an oath to. Coming home, I came into conclusion that, most of the people in the nursing office are thinking that we are lazy since we don't want to practice our profession. It's disheartening to hear from other people that you are lazy when you broken your back, legs and skull the whole day trying to figure out what's inside the patients heart. I didn't had enough time to argue and defend the choice I made. The thoughts of Jacqueline Schiff popped in my and I had peace. Why listen to those who have proven no name neither reputation in a royal skill of decision making.

Why echo?
I left my career in echo to practice my profession as a nurse because of the people who used to tell what my supervisors told me today. Being an emergency room nurse for almost three years gave me a lot of lesson in life which I am grateful of. But not all experiences are good and worth coming back. I love ER and nursing but there are things in it that didn't make me happy. Some supervisors don't have leadership skills and are bad in decision making, they always put their staff on the line who sometimes are more talented, knowledgeable and decisive that them who is in the position. They make use of the staffs' talent and take credits for themselves. What a shame. Doctors are dependent with the nurses even with encoding, assessment, history taking and diagnosis. I will become a nurse for my patient, for their family, for my colleagues who love and respect me and for the profession that I took an oath to. But not for those supervisors and doctors who are too shabby. In echo, I gain respect from the cardiologist, so why beg respect from the nurses who spent years in nursing with no advancement? I know where I stand, and I stand with my decisions. I cannot promise that I will not come back in nursing but I promise to be happy and let shallow those nurses envy me or hat me for whatever they like to think of me shouldn't matter.

Thoughts That Brought Me to be Where I am Today

Sharing this thoughts with you now that I am again challenged by the people who say that my decision was wrong.

Take These Thoughts With You On Your Journey Through Life

Don't ever forget that you are unique.
Be your best self and not an imitation of someone else.
Find your strengths
and use them in a positive way.
Don't listen to those 
who ridicule the choice you make.
Travel the road that you have chosen
and don't look back with regret.
You have to take chances
to make your dreams happen.
Remember that there is plenty of time
to travel another road-and-still another-
in your journey through life.
Take the time to find the route
that is right for you.
You will learn something valuable 
from every trip you take.
So don't be afraid to make mistakes.
Tell yourself that you're okay
just the way you are
Make friends who respect your true self.
Take time to be alone, too.
So you can know how terrific your own company can be.
Remember that being alone
doesn't always mean being lonely;
it can be a beautiful experience of finding your creativity,
your heartfelt feelings,
and the calm and quiet peace deep inside you.
Please don't ever forget that you are special
and very much loved.
-Jacqueline Schiff

These words were posted on the wall of high school library. Finding it was like finding a treasure that I copied it, kept in my noted all through my college years. Come 2019 and that notebook is still with full of words that motivated me to be where I am today.

Why do I keep these words with me? Growing up means meeting a lot of people along the way that will tell you what are the do's and don'ts' in life. Listening to them will influence your decisions and if your ground is not strong you will be shaken. May it be you siblings, friends or parent who will tell what choice to make, at the end of the day, it is still your life and life is what you make it.

My 2018 Story and Goals for 2019

When I started my career abroad, my new contract date served as my new year and not January 1 for  I was always away from home during holiday season. However, 2018 has been very good to me that I have to rejoice and thank God for it, hence this post.

Last November 8, 2018, I received a transfer letter from the nursing administrator that I will be transferred to the echo lab to be an echo technologist. Euphoria hit me, my brain scattered a bit that I only enthralled on the good side of for it is my dream job and it was the main reason why I accepted the offer in this hospital-- they have a heart center.

I was so happy I didn't have a second thought, never did I recall that the politics here is so rampant. To cut the story short, I got transferred without a proper goodbyes to my colleagues in the ED and to my supervisor who got disappointed with me and never talked to me in a month. I never wanted to burn bridges and I hope I did not. Deep inside I really want to leave but not that way, there was some sort of betrayal which put me in between. My only fault was that, I didn't lay down my conditions before I transferred. I should have been more logical and not emotional that time. My salary, job description and contract were  into compromise because I didn't manage to talk to my supervisor about it. Nonetheless, I pray that everything will fall in place just like before. If not maybe then I'd have the courage to take action.

The best reasons why this transfer was good for me.

1. I am working in place where I started. I am very outspoken that I know how to do echocardiogram because that was my job in the Philippines. And even though I have already talked to the medical director of the hospital and the heart center in the casual way, still I didn't get a transfer. Until, I wanted to resign and they badly needed a staff for echo. I was thinking it took me three years to get this job so  I should make the best out of it.

2. There is one doctor, a researcher also, that I believe graduated from the Harvard Medical School ( I googled it) who is working in this hospital and he is very passionate in teaching. As a passive learner, being able to work with him is a great opportunity and should motivate me.

3. The schedule is way better than I had with nursing. No shifting, no on calls, I am starting the day at 7:30am and end at 5:00pm, I still have time for tea and biscuits and some talks. We are all Filipinos there, we understand each other, the department is clean and doesn't smell. I'm doing a non-invasive procedure, not too exposed to blood and infectious diseases and I can focus to only one thing - ULTRASOUND. I have time to review for my exam, NCLEX, IELTS, PSE examination.

4. No need to review for CBAHI, no need to effort for board of nursing, no quality projects and no hardheaded watchers and annoying residents.

Things that are difficult for me.

1. I am still under nursing administration (ughhh)
2. I don't known if I will commit fully to this because they didn't tell to increase my salary. I guess I will only extend my contract for a year but I need to get my papers before I leave.
a. Recommendation letters from my former ER managers. Maám Sheila, Shesa, Ibrahim, At Jen
b. Recommendations from the doctors I work with in echo lab. Dr. Yahya, Dr. Hazem and Dr. Afridi.
3. Police papers

Before I renew my contract I should be able to:
1. Ask Mohsen if there's any chance that they will increase my salary.
2. Give me a certificate of training so I can take a certifying examination from my home country.

Before 2019 ends, I should be able to pass IELTS with band 7 score and finish my papers with NEAC for my NCLEX. Have a love life. It is also a priority but find someone you can bring with you wherever you want to go.

Everything will fall in place. Study everyday even for just an hour, it help you improve your vocabulary and chances to pass IELTS.

My contract will end in March 2020 and by that I should have passed NCLEX and transfer to another hospital.

 I always plan my future ahead, but things happen unexpectedly, though not all my plans are coming into reality, whatever situation will come to me I will manage.

Adventure with the Echo Team

Our trip to Mount Tralala and how we managed to be fearless in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. :D

Woke up so early, without the clear picture in mind where we are heading. We just brought water, food, chips and sunflower seeds. Wala pa nga akong lipstick.

I risked my split ends for this trip that was kind of ruined because of the failure road map and ambiguous road directions. We wasted so much time, we were not able to go to our planned destinations but looking on the brighter side, here we are able to climb a mountain and learned lessons that we can carry through life. 

This was the only decent picture I got with the DSLR kasi parang ako lang marunong gumamit nun at alanganin kasi ang ganda natin kaya limitado lang ang anggulo :D; nonetheless, masaya talaga ang trip na to. Sana in the future, mas free na kaming mamundok kasi alam mo na, you cannot contain yourself into a room or a place forever and expect to learn and discover so many things.

Our planned road trip turned to be just a plain road trip, like mga 80% nasa daan lang kami. Kaya ang hugot namin ay,"Waze ka ba? Pinaikot-ikot mo lang kasi kami." 

I am slouching like crazy! Taken with the bright lights behind us.
Thoughts at this moment: adulting is not easy, you have to deviate to some norms to discover what more the world can offer. Just know your limits and always stand on your ground.

Disclaimer: I cannot freely post things that I want in social media since I am in the Middle East so I'm gonna name things here using 'codes'. I am pretty sure that there is a very slim chance for you to be deployed were I got deployed but this is just to show you that life in the Middle East is not that totally bad.

 Taken inside the mall where I enjoyed a lot of items on sale. Aside from Bundok Tralala, this was the best place I enjoyed the most because the shopaholic was so alive.

P.S. 

This trip was kind of a secret since we are deeply discouraged to go on a long trip but praise God we were able to go home safe and sound and I was also able to buy good things like my bag, Zey and my Lee Cooper shoe. Things I wouldn't be able to buy in the 'Bato Bato Peak'. #