We're already carrying our bags and about to go home when Doc. M noticed that his table is quite messy so he decided to rearrange his things and share mundane stories with us. Later the conversation went into something like " why do you seem so sad?" and then he shared his own story.
He told me "I know how you feel. You're a fresh graduate, you do not know what to do, you do not know what you want and you do not know where you're going. I was once like you. I was a fourth year medical technology student back then when I used to stay in a certain place in Davao and meditate. I told my self if I become a medtech I will examine specimens for the rest of my life. Is this what I really want? If I become a medtech I or medtech II it will just be the same. That's the time I decided to enroll in the college of medicine. I didn't took the board exam for medical technology because I used the money to enroll in the medschool. So if you want something, decide right away. Time passes by. But if you really want to stay here, be at your best because wherever you are you really have to strive and be at your best."
And from that day on, everyday of my life I keep on praying that God will guide me in every choice I make> Sometimes, I cry before I go to bed because I am not happy. This is the saddest stage in my life I guess. The stage when I feel lost. Sometimes, I say to my self lucky are those who know what they want and do what they want.
My colleague told me "pursue what you really dream of and not just do what other people are doing. Do not think that they're happy as med students so you also want to be like them. Do what you really want because if you're not happy with what you're doing at the end of the day you will never feel fulfilled worst you'll not become successful too"
As a fresh graduate, I consider my job now as my first job experience. Unfortunately, despite the good people around me I do not feel fulfilled and self sufficient. I do not feel rewarded. When I go home, I feel so tired and when I wake up I do not want to get out of my bed. I just want to cuddle my pillow and think about so many things until my head gets so heavy. Gosh. I never expect this will happen to me. The feeling of being so lonesome. I don't think it's appropriate to share to the world how unhappy I am today but this blog has already been a part of me. This is where I find rescue whenever I am down.
Sometimes, I feel so exploited. Doing things I am not tasked to do. Having overtime without over time pay. Promised a big break but the break didn't come. Cleaning the area because no one's assigned to do so. I am also underpaid. Sometimes I'm losing my self respect. I studied for four long years plus strived hard for a license to do theses things. Isn't it so frustrating? Sometimes, I hate it when others are happy while I'm not. I feel that life is so unfair. Seems like, why is this happening to me? Am I so bad? I never expect I can be great all the way in this journey just because I did great in school. I just never thought I will feel so unwanted, uncherished and untreasured like this as an employee.
So much for all the drama. I guess I've already said so much. My world is falling apart. Yes it is! But I promise. I will never give up. Sooner I know I will find my way out in this lonely state.
P.S. I'm considering being a law student for it doesn't require 15 years of study like medicine but I do not have money for law school yet. I'm hoping that when my brother gets a degree and find a gainful employment I can go somewhere else and find extra income to sustain my own education. I guess I'll just endure all these for now. At least I have a plan for my self. No love life yet. Time will come for it.
No comments:
Post a Comment